I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
