I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
