She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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