i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize