Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
