I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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