What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
