did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize