It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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