There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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