I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
