I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
