I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
