Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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