the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
