Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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