wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
