so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
