she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
