Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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