wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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