It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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