i permit you to call me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
