Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
