Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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