Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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