i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
how does that bad decision feel?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
