Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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