Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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