we have officially lost it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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