If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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