i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
