Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
