Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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