Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
