Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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