I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
