try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We were destined to go to rehab together
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
