I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
