i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
