I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
