I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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