...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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