We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
