just come out here and I will go home with you...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
