One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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