I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
