i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
