That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
as a side note pls kill me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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