is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
