So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
