I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
