Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
