P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
