so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
