I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
