one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
