Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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