She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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