i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
