I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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