i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
