Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
