And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
